TikTok's Baby Conundrum (Issue #49)
Today’s theme is parenting – musings from the anti-expert: A Childless 20-Something™️
Do you have the best mom?? Or are you a mom yourself!? I'm cooking up something special for Mother's Day, and I’m looking for the best pieces of advice you’ve heard from the mom or mom-like figure in your life! Any life advice you’ve carried with you or that you love telling your own kids is welcome and appreciated. Don’t gate-keep your mom!! Reply to this email or leave a comment with the best tidbit of wisdom that made a difference for you. ❤️ I’ll be sharing a collection of faves in an upcoming issue. All submissions will be kept anonymous. (unless you’d prefer not to be!)
Hi friends!
Sometimes the TikTok algorithm works like a speedy Slip ‘N Slide ride into lives I don’t yet live. It happened to me a few weeks ago, in fact! You know how it goes — a couple of cute toddler videos, and suddenly, you're on the fast track to Parenting TikTok. While some of these videos definitely talked about the joys of parenting, there seemed to be no shortage of content dedicated to the ugly underbelly of pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing. As I continued down this path, I was left with the all-consuming dread that this thing I thought I wanted for my life was nothing more than an endless pit of stress and exhaustion, topped off with a heavy dose of gross.
But is that the reality? It’s a question writer Amil Niazi tackles head-on in her article for The Cut, TikTok’s Version of Parenting Is a Nightmare Fantasy. Niazi, a mother herself, first found herself on parenting TikTok while pregnant with her third child. In the article, she describes falling into a sea of videos just like the ones I’d seen on my own feed:
“The plot of these videos is always the same: The parent, usually a mom, takes you through a detailed breakdown of a night with a newborn, ring light already set up and phone positioned just so. You see a very tired woman soothing, rocking, shushing, cradling, and feeding a small baby. They breastfeed, they pump, then they get up and make several bottles of formula. The TV is on and turned up; some take the opportunity to wash and dry their hair or do their skin-care routine. Neither the parent nor the baby gets much sleep. As I’ve watched more and more of them, I’ve genuinely asked myself, Had I encountered these before my first, would I even want one kid, let alone three?”
Niazi acknowledges that these videos are refreshing in the ways they reflect the sometimes ugly realities of parenthood, and she notes a very noticeable shift in how parenting is discussed online. In fact, she says that when she had her first kid in 2017, she was inundated with a barrage of Instagram momfluencers with seemingly perfect and highly curated lives. So maybe this push towards authenticity is good. But could it still backfire? As our culture shifts towards being open about the negative aspects of parenting, does this also lead us to have a skewed perception of what it’s really like to be a parent?
I don’t have a kid, so judging these videos' accuracy is difficult. I texted my friends with kids, sending them The Cut article as a primer for their own analysis. All of them said they resonated with at least some of the concerns Niazi raised. They also echoed how these videos seem to miss the things that make parenting the hardest. The systemic barriers folks in the US know intimately – exorbitant daycare costs, lack of community, discriminatory healthcare systems, limited paid time off – the list goes on and on. And it’s an important distinction, as these videos might lead you to believe that extreme struggle and hardship as a parent is inevitable. But what if we demanded more?
And that’s when it really clicked for me. Rage bait can keep us stuck and make us feel resigned to the idea that some things will always be out of our reach – too difficult, too scary, etc. But this limits our imagination to what could be possible and how things could be better. It’s moments like these when I feel really lucky to live in Minnesota, where paid family and medical leave will roll out in 2026. Minnesota is one of 12 U.S. states with any type of policy like this, and ours will actually be the most robust by offering 12 weeks of paid time off (still nowhere near what’s offered in some parts of the world).
More than ever, I feel grateful for what we’ve achieved and sure that more is needed. So today, taking inspiration from Niazi’s article, we’re diving deep into the world of parenting. I had a lot of fun compiling these recommendations, and I’m super excited about the special parent guest I have in the middle of today’s issue. 👀
Enjoy!!
A round-up of things to watch, read, and listen to as you head into the weekend.
Romper: The Fine Art Of Hard-Launching A Baby by Rebecca Fishbein
I love deep dives into social media trends, so this article exploring how new parents navigate their pregnancy and birth announcements was a real treat. Many folks (and even celebrities like Paris Hilton and Kylie Jenner) have recently kept their pregnancy a secret, often announcing their new additions days or weeks after their baby is born. Fishbein examines the appeal and possible benefits of keeping these important milestones off of social media.
Up First Podcast: The Sunday Story: Permission to share
This episode of Up First follows the experiences of a few mommy bloggers and their children. I'm interested in the premise, especially as early generations of social media babies enter adulthood. The episode explores social media and the ethics of sharing photos and videos without being able to gain formal consent from your own children. We're still learning all of the impacts of social media, and formal policy related to sharing information about minors online is still in the beginning stages of development. It's a really interesting conversation worth checking out!
The Cut: We Don't Perform Motherhood for Our Kids
I loved this excerpt from Sara Petersen's new book, *Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-Perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture. I was especially interested in the observation that much of how we learn to parent is based on our own experiences of being parented. Throughout the excerpt, Petersen observes how the online depiction of parenthood is often disconnected from reality, making a performance out of what it means to be a "good" mother or father. Petersen draws examples from her own life, reflecting her and her own mother's performance of motherhood. I loved this excerpt and am excited to check out the complete book!
Featuring someone I’m obsessed with (talking about what they’re obsessed with).
Note: Links preceded by an asterisk (*) are affiliate links that allow me to collect a small commission when you purchase something I’ve recommended. That said, I can promise I’ll only ever share items I love. Buying through these links is one way to support me and my small biz. ❤️
I am so excited about today’s featured guest. She’s the sister I always wanted and didn’t even know I had until a few years ago (a long story for another time, haha)! Liz entered the world of parenting a year ago, and I am so in love with my little niece. Since today’s issue is all about parenting, I wanted to invite Liz to share the recommendations that got her through her first year as a Mom. You can see all of Liz’s recs below, but first, look at how cute my niece is!
This was an absolute must for us. Our baby was super super active so this gave us some hands-free time for her to get all her energy out. Plus she loved it so much! It was adorableto see her jump and scream with excitement.
These teething sticks were so clutch. They’re easy for babies to hold from the time they start teething, and there are different textures for them to explore. They’re easy to clean and keep our baby’s attention more than any other teether. We were so desperate to find something to give her relief from teething pain, and this was it.
*This Baby Bottle Sterilizer + Dryer
The Baby Brezza changed our world. I didn’t want it at first because it was so expensive, and I was like, “I’ll just get a cheaper option.” But in the beginning, when ALL we were doing was washing bottles and pump parts, this cut our time down so much. I felt like it was a full-time job cleaning bottles until we invested in this. It sterilizes and dries everything in 10 minutes. I truly couldn’t live without it.
I lived by this app in the beginning. I would walk around Target and scan every baby item to see if it had harmful chemicals in it. It helped me narrow down what was healthy or not for the baby. You can also use it on literally anything, so that’s cool, too, not just baby stuff!!!
These songs for littles simultaneously drive me nuts and save my sanity, lol. My daughter Rory will literally stop anything she is doing to watch Miss Rachel. It has saved us from so many meltdowns in the car. Miss Rachel is the best free babysitter I could ever ask for!!! And Rory learns SO much from her. It’s really amazing!
Things to try + share in the group chat.
A friend sent me and my husband Andrew this video a few weeks ago because this is 100% the kid Andrew will end up raising (with my assistance and support, of course, haha).
As a huge fan of all potatoes, especially mashed potatoes, Shepherd's Pie is a fave of mine. That said, I’m excited to try this variation from Once Upon a Chef. It’s the kind of dish that reminds me of childhood and one kids are sure to love, too.
The new movie Scrambled follows the story of a 34-year-old on a journey to freeze her eggs. It feels like a really fresh concept for television, and I’m excited to check it out. Here’s the full description: “Perpetual bridesmaid Nellie Robinson always finds herself between weddings, baby showers, and bad dates. With her biological clock ticking, she decides to freeze her eggs and embark on an empowering journey of self-discovery.”
A few weeks ago I shared a list of mood-based movie recommendations, and this past Monday I came back with even more recs!! Check it out here for ideas of what to to watch when you need to cry, feel indecisive, and more!
Have a fabulous weekend!
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