"That's So Gay" (Issue #58)
This week’s theme is new information, new perspectives – how times change our understanding.
Hi friends!
Growing up with gay parents, gay culture was my culture – one I was born into. To help expand my community, my mom sent me to a sleepaway camp for kids with LGBTQ+ families – an excursion I always referred to as “gay camp,” much to the dismay of my elderly family members 😂. I’ve gone to Pride for as long as I can remember, and Rent was one of my first musicals. My mom loves telling the story of the time when she told little me that someone at her work didn’t know what transgender meant. “What?!?” I’d apparently retorted, “even I know what transgender means!” I guess it was shocking to me that I, ~a literal eight-year-old~ knew more than some grownups 🤷🏽♀️😂.
Being in community with LGBTQ folks and kids with families like mine created a sense of security, but like I discussed last week, outside the protections of those spaces, I was careful to keep the fact that I had gay parents a secret. Over time, I learned to recognize signals that allowed me to quickly distinguish who might be a safe person and who I might need to tread more carefully around. Was this person religious? Did they say things like “that’s so gay”? What about stuff like, “I don’t really care about politics”? In childhood, these were the types of things that spelled danger to me. The fact that these were (of course) major generalizations was, for me, just an unfortunate side effect of navigating the reality of where our societal culture was. I learned quickly that it was better to misjudge someone as unsafe than it was to wrongly assume that they might be accepting. For me, it just wasn’t a risk worth taking.
But then, sometime in late middle and early high school, I started feeling and witnessing what felt like seismic societal shifts. Suddenly, “That’s so gay” was more taboo than it had ever been (thanks Hillary Duff?). Many of my peers were noticeably much more language-conscious, with slip-ups often garnering embarrassment and apologies. They were curious, asked questions, and actually listened to my answers. They vocally challenged bigoted views expressed by their family and friends. When I was younger, the most I’d ever hoped for was that my peers wouldn't be actively homophobic. But now, there seemed to be a sizable group of my peers who wanted to be allied with the LGBTQ community. And look, I get it, this is sounding like crumbs here, but I can’t emphasize enough just how transformative it felt as a kid who’d spent much of her youth having to hide where she came from.
Gay marriage was legalized in Minnesotan the spring of my Senior year. It was a huge deal, so of course I did what most of us did in 2013 – I ran to Facebook. I changed my profile photo to the red equal sign, complete with the following caption:
“I don't often post political views on facebook, but this one seemed necessary. This isn't an issue of politics, it's an issue of human rights- one that affects my family very directly. My parents deserve the same rights I have. So how about we love one another by letting love be?”
I know, it’s very early 2010’s internet earnest 😂.
With gay marriage now legal in a few states, my mom got married for the first time. She’d been in civil partnerships previously, but being able to get married, and share the same rights as any other married couple really meant a lot to her.
In college, I watched many of my friends and acquaintances come out, and I started noticing even more tangibly how attitudes toward LGBTQ+ folks were changing rapidly. Now, when I work with high school students, I’m still in awe of how much more freedom these kids have to explore their own sexualities and gender expressions. Granted, my context is a progressive urban environment, but having grown up in these same areas, I feel all the progress that has been made viscerally.
I’m only 29 years old, and I feel grateful to have already had the opportunity to bear witness to so many life-altering social and cultural changes—shifts that have pushed us closer to a world where everyone is safe to be themselves. While there’s still a lot of work to be done, especially in a time that so often feels regressive, it’s a hopeful reminder of possibility.
So, for the third edition of my Pride Month series, today’s theme is perspective change — a curated collection to expand and challenge our existing worldviews. Enjoy!
A round-up of things to watch, read, and listen to as you head into the weekend.
The New Yorker: The Throwaways by Sarah Stillman
This 2012 piece is a great investigation into the hidden world of police informants and the dangers this work poses. Informants are often incentivized to participate in exchange for leniency for their own legal troubles and are often thrown into dangerous situations with little training or protection. I highly recommend you spend some time with this one!
AP: Prisoners in the US are part of a hidden workforce linked to hundreds of popular food brands by Robin McDowell and Margie Mason
An urgent piece that dives into the prison labor used to power our food system. It highlights several food companies and the exploitative practices they employ to keep profits high and costs low.
Substack:
byRather than recommending just one piece, I want to encourage you to subscribe to this Substack.
is a journalist who keeps readers up to date with the latest updates in trans and queer news! With new articles published nearly every day, this newsletter is an excellent resource for anyone looking for a streamlined way to stay informed.
Action items to support and care for the world around us.
This is actually the LGBTQ+ community center my mom frequented as a teen, and they still provide excellent resources and services today! You can see all of their programming and support their work by donating here.
This organization provides LGBTQ-inclusive books to Pre-K through 3rd-grade classrooms! As of 2024, they’ve distributed more than 14,000 books to over 7,000 classrooms, reaching all 50 U.S. states and 1 territory in Canada! You can learn more, request books for your classroom, and donate to support their work here.
Things to try + share in the group chat.
I came across this list of “movies that will make you appreciate the small things in life” and added a bunch of them to my list. I’ve already seen Suncoast, Soul, and Palm Springs and loved all of them, so I’m excited to dive into the rest of the recommendations.
I’m obsessed with that TikTok trend where people post old embarrassing videos they made to impress their childhood crush. They truly all kill me, but here are two of my current faves:
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This week, I finally shared the story of how I found my long-lost half-siblings! 😱 Check it out here!
Have a great weekend!
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That Instagram reel 😂😂😂