Platonic Co-Parenting w/ Amrita + Andrew (Issue #59)
The last in our pride series - a takeover from the minds behind Emergency Contacts!
Hi friends,
This week is the fourth and final edition of my 2024 Pride series! In the spirit of ending with something extra special, I asked the amazing duo behind
to do a takeover issue! I had the chance to connect with Amrita Vijayaraghavan + Andrew Stephens a few months ago after a thoughtful reader connected us. Since 2011, Amrita + Andrew have directed, produced, curated, and performed in live events ranging from rooftop poetry slams, to late night dancehall dustups, to cabarets and more.Award-winning writers and musicians themselves, Amrita + Andrew write music and words for the stage, and more recently, for the screen. They are currently developing two new projects for television, and work closely with the New York Times to curate national journalistic events.
Even more than their creative achievements, I was immediately taken by their incredible story of becoming platonic co-parents, which you can read more about here! Through all their work, Amrita + Andrew move towards their central vision, where direct, human connection is at the center; a vision that eschews the outmoded social roles that hold us back from fully embracing those we want to hold closest.
And now, without further ado, here’s Amrita + Andrew!
We are delighted for this Emergency Contacts takeover of Sincerely, Celisia. Happy Pride from us: that’s Amrita + Andrew – writers and performers drawing inspiration from the power of intimate friendship and community. We are best friends who co-parent a 1 year old son together, and make art together as creative partners. We’ve sometimes referred to our co-parenting arrangement as “queering the family structure,” which is maybe an opaque turn of phrase to describe something that’s fundamentally pretty simple and joyful (much like Pride itself).
One of our most memorable Prides was in 2019 when New York City hosted “World Pride” – we wandered the streets with a changing cast of characters; friends who joined up and peeled off throughout the course of a beautiful summery Sunday. We were swept into sidewalk dance parties with visiting tourists. At one point, some jovial strangers called down to us from the window of their house party, inviting us up to join them for a drink. That’s the best part of Pride – a sense of bonhomie so irresistible that it challenges our social norms of privacy and individualism; anyone you encounter can become your new best friend.
2023 was a different version of Pride for us – our son was born last May. At this time last summer, we were lost in the thicket of Newbornland. We were also two friends re-calibrating our relationship – as we had many times over our decade of friendship – as parents, now. Throughout the process of conceiving and planning for our child (detailed in a 10-episode podcast season last year; currently in season 2), we were often confronted with fertility clinic waiting rooms and therapists’ offices festooned with rainbow flags and photos of handsome pairs of gay dads; sweetly proclaiming these institutions to be inclusive and welcoming to all. In general, we found this welcoming attitude to be truthful on the face of it. We also found ourselves at odds with these institutions in the sense that we reside outside the norm of a straight marriage OR a gay marriage.
We are a chosen family becoming a biological family. It’s a narrative that still makes some people uncomfortable. It challenges not just our notions of sexuality, but of family structure itself. What if your romantic partner doesn’t have to be the core of your family life? What happens if you choose a different path? What does it look like to tease out the threads of sex, love, friendship, and parenting, and find new ways to braid them together again?
Pride is not just about mainstreaming queer narratives – putting a gay gloss onto traditional understandings of partnership, marriage, and family. Don’t get us wrong, we love a fairytale ending, and are all here for the queer versions of white picket fences and happily-ever-afters, too. But as we rapidly gain ground on “love is love” and “same love” narratives, we also think it’s important to ask questions that help us push against boundaries of what it means to be partnered and what it means to be a family. Not just bringing the queer into the mainstream, but rather, challenging whether the mainstream way is always the “right” way to begin with.
Thinking back to that boundary-crossing bonhomie from the streets of World Pride 2019, there’s nothing that speaks to that joyful and transgressive spirit more than finding new paradigms of commitment to your friends and chosen family.
Wishing you love of all kinds during this beautiful June. Happy Pride.
-Andrew & Amrita
A round-up of things to watch, read, and listen to as you head into the weekend.
TV Show: Cagney & Lacey (available on Pluto TV, Roku, Amazon Prime + more!)
A 1980s buddy cop show featuring two female detectives in New York City. The writing is smart, incisive and, unlike most television shows today, does not shy away from digging into the tough issues with nuance and bravery, crafting characters that are flawed and complex.
Podcast: The Big Dig by GBH News
Documenting the boondoggle that was a major highway project under Boston, this multi-part podcast tells the story of infrastructure in this country through the tale of one incredibly-priced project that began to fall apart as soon as it was constructed.
TV Show: Northern Exposure (available on Amazon Prime)
Legendary among TV writers both for being the perfect “fish out of water” show, and for being impossible to watch on streaming due to music licensing issues…until this past winter. It’s like Twin Peaks meets Gilmore Girls. A softly bizarre small-town show with lackadaisical dramatic pacing that would simply NEVER fly on modern-day television. Best enjoyed as a leisurely non-binge.
Playlists to add to your music library.
One of the core values of our household is that a great soundtrack is indispensable to living your best life. The right song at the right time can be the greatest comfort or the wildest revelation. We host a weekly radio show on Sunday nights on Electromagnetic Radio called Assisted Living. One of the great joys of the show is mining out the gems from brand new releases, and sharing our shiny new discoveries on the air. This summer has been excellent for new releases, and there’s lots to get into.
Please enjoy this week’s playlist to tap into the vibes at the Vijay & Stephens HQ this week.
Things to try + share in the group chat.
@TheAidsMemorial features beautiful tributes from people – sons, siblings, nieces, friends, lovers – memorializing their loved one whom they lost to AIDS. It is the only place on the internet I’ve ever seen where the comments are consistently and unfailingly positive, loving, and supportive, lifting up the name of the person who has died.
Like many South Asian women, I (Amrita) was raised with moisturization as a core value, and I am a fan of oiling my skin (and hair) regularly. As much as I can pretend that oil moisturizing is some sort of grand cultural birthright, I have to admit that it was Andrew who opened my eyes to a life-changing new method of oil application a couple of summers ago: OIL GEL. How do they make oil into a gel? I do not know, and I don’t ask questions. It is easier to apply, easier to absorb, and gives your skin an outstanding summer glow.
As longtime New Yorkers, we both used to rely heavily on takeout and restaurants for years. However, over the past year, the NYT Cooking app has become our go-to for easy new recipes to expand our repertoire. This miso-leek white bean recipe is one of our current favorites. It’s wildly easy but tastes fancy AF.
Before I release you into the weekend, I want to make sure you saw Monday’s issue. My best friend and I did a deep dive into some of our fave anxiety management products, tips, and tricks. Check it out here.
Have a great weekend!
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