A Child of the Gayby Boom (Issue #56)
This week’s theme is chosen family – the ways we find and build love, connection, and care throughout our lives.
Hi friends!
Happy pride month!
A few years ago, for Christmas, I gifted my mom a @storyworth account, which was really for me as much as it was for her.
Each week, my mom was given a question about her life, hopes, and dreams, and her answer was sent out to everyone on her Storyworth email list. At the end of the year, we could order a bound book filled with everything she’d written. What can I say? I’m a sucker for the sentimental.
When her first answer landed in my inbox, I opened it greedily. I felt eager to learn something new about the only person I’ve never been earthside without.
Her question was sweet — but her answer was sweeter. The story of her 21st birthday, which, spoiler alert, doubled as the story of my conception! As a gay woman, having a kid was something she did very intentionally. Doing so in the 90s made my birth part of what I’ve always heard her refer to as “the gayby boom,” a time characterized by an influx of gay parents finding ways to have children and build bigger families of their own. I asked my mom’s permission to share her writing here in honor of pride month and to fit with this week’s theme of chosen family. For me, it’s a reminder of the ways we’re hardwired for love: to give it, to receive it, and to go out and find it.
“While most 21 year olds celebrate with their first drink, I was a little different. I lived on my own from the age of 17 so it wasn’t a draw for me. Instead I was more focused on reaching the next milestone I set forth myself in life, to have a baby. (Don’t worry, my next goal would be to go to college, I know, a little out of order ;).
On my 21st birthday I got artificial insemination because I wanted to have a baby. I dreamed all my life of being a mom. I would daydream about having a little person that was my baby that I would love and would always love me. This was important to me for several reasons.
For starters, by this time in my life, I knew that I was gay and that the options for having a child would be limited. I was a complete nerd so when I wanted to do something I didn’t half step. I knew every sperm bank in the county, what their inventory and prices were like and I knew their requirements (do you need a doctor, can it be delivered straight to your home, etc). That’s what helped me find Idant Labs located in the Empire State Building on the 38th Floor.
I also wanted a daughter because my own relationship with my mom was contentious. I had run away from home 3 years prior and while my parents slowly came along, it would be a decade before theywould begin accepting that part of my identity. So in many ways, I felt alone in the world. I believed that by having a child, I would have a family member that would always love and accept me. I also wanted to be the mother that I longed for. When my baby was born I wanted to be the kind of mom that you could talk to about anything. A mom that would be your greatest cheerleader. Someone that you could laugh and joke with or cry and commiserate with. In my heart I knew that this baby would be the love of my life.
Although I was super young and still learning to be an adult, much less a mom, I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Celisia would be born 8 months later so in many ways she was my birthday present to myself. On August 3rd, 1994 I had the best 21st birthday ever!”
A round-up of things to watch, read, and listen to as you head into the weekend.
Netflix: XO, Kitty
This TV spin-off to the hit film franchise "To All the Boys I've Loved Before" is such a fun watch. The show follows the youngest sister from the movie, Kitty as she surprises her long-distance boyfriend by moving to Korea and enrolling at his boarding school. Excitingly, the school is also her late mother’s alma mater! It’s a wonderful coincidence that allows Kitty to embark on a journey of reconnection with her family history. The show is the perfect mix between a k-drama and a lighthearted comedy. A perfect binge!
The Cut: The Age Gappers by Lila Shapiro
This article profiles several couples in age-gap relationships, covering a range of sexualities, genders, and racial identities. The piece gently pushes against the well-worn belief that age-gap relationships are inherently toxic, exploring the many connections we build with one another across differences.
Substack: The Anxious Style of American Parenting from
byWhat does it mean to be a parent today? In this Substack piece,
dives into recent surveys conducted by the Pew Research Center to examine the emotional experiences of modern parents and the ways race, class, and gender influence these outcomes. Her writing is engaging, and she has a knack for keeping the research from feeling dry—I highly recommend you check it out!
A collection of photos from days gone by, featuring the chaotic memories behind the image.
To honor my mom and all her bold choices, I wanted to share a selection of photos from our lives!
From left to right, my grandma, my mom, me, and my grandpa on the day of my mom’s college graduation. She brought me with her to class when I was a baby, and I’m still in awe of her dedication to finishing her degree while simultaneously being an incredible mom!!
A butterfly landed on my mom during our trip to New York City a few years ago. We happened to be there during Pride, and she got to show me all the places she’d gone to as a kid and young adult, including the gay and lesbian teen center!
From left to right are my grandma, me, and my mom – 3 generations of Stanton women all dress shopping together before my wedding last summer <3
My mom has become a big gardener in the last several years, so we took her berry picking with us, and she was sooo happy!! Her gardening guiding light is Ron Finley, and she even took his MasterClass, which she ~highly~ recommends! You can also check out his TedTalk here for free.
Andrew found this shirt at Goodwill, and decided to wear it to my mom’s 50th birthday party. It took her a hilariously long time before she noticed what the shirt said, but she was screaming and laughing when she realized it. In case it’s hard to read the shirt in the photo, it reads: “I never dreamed I’d end up being a son-in-law of a freaking awesome mother-in-law but here I am living the dream.”
Things to try + share in the group chat.
Note: Links preceded by an asterisk (*) are affiliate links that allow me to collect a small commission when you purchase something I’ve recommended. That said, I can promise I’ll only ever share items I love. Buying through these links is one way to support me and my small biz. ❤️
I’ve never seen the movie Ted, but this clip absolutely sent me. It perfectly represents Andrew and I.
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Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserI really want to try Good American’s new “Always Fits” jeans. They’re built to stretch and fit four different sizes! They seem like a great option for weight fluctuations or even during pregnancy. I’ve bought from Good American in the past and really liked their stuff, and the Always Fits come in a wide range of cuts and sizes that I’m excited to try.
*The Last Animal by Ramona Ausubel is a book with a super unique premise that earned a spot high on my to-read list. The book follows the two teenage daughters of a biologist placed in the Arctic for a scientific expedition. That alone was enough to hook me, but things heat up when the sisters stumble upon a perfectly preserved baby mammoth, setting off a surprising chain of events. I loved the first few chapters, and I’m excited to finish it out this summer.
Season changes are some of my favorite times to try new recipes, so I rounded up 5 of my summer must-tries. Check it out here!
Have a great weekend!
Want to stay connected between now and next Friday? Don’t be a stranger!! Make sure to follow me on Instagram and TikTok. Know someone who you think would like Sincerely, Celisia? It would mean the world if you could help spread the word by sharing this newsletter through the button below!! <3